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This first chart is my attempt to highlight themes arising from this survey. A complete list of results is available below.
These Routine Activities Can Bring UsTogether
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Our Activities Can Disrupt Relationship When...
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1. Worship
2. Potluck
3. Retreat
4. Small group
5. Informal conversations
6. Youth group
7. Receiving notes
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1. We trip over “unwritten rules”
2. Small groups are “closed”
3. There are more jobs than volunteers
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These Ideals Can Bring Us Together
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Our Ideals Get in the Way When...
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1. God’s Presence
2. Sense of humor
3. Peace
4. Concern for others
5. Commitment to social justice
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1. We disagree on the topic of sexuality
2. The call to justice sounds “wrathful”
3. Advocates for justice feel only “lukewarm” support
4. Our focus is on “doctrine.”
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These Feelings Draw Us toward Community
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Our Feelings Can Disrupt Relationship When...
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1. We feel able to help
2. We feel welcome and appreciated
3. We feel trusted
4. We feel supported in prayer
5. We feel supported by “infrastructure” (like childcare)
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1. We feel unappreciated/ignored
2. We feel overwhelmed by the “need” to volunteer
3. Those in leadership feel overburdened
4. We feel uncertain of how to ask for help
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Key points:
It’s worth remembering that we begin this conversation from a position of strength. For the most part, our activities, ideals and feelings draw us together. Our sense of community is strong.
Sharing the burden of leadership is the most frequently cited obstacle to community. There is a chronic tension between the need for volunteers and the need to protect people from feeling inappropriate guilt over not doing “enough.” Both of these needs are real. On the one hand, our community finds great value in organized worship, potlucks, retreats, childcare, etc (all of which require an investment of time and energy). On the other hand, our respect for one another means we refuse to see each other as the means to some end. We genuinely want to give each other freedom from the burden of being over-committed. We want two things that frequently come into conflict with each other. We want the benefits of organization AND we want people to feel free from too much responsibility.
Perhaps there is inevitable tension between all that might be done and the finite resources of human volunteers. At WHF, however, this tension seems to have become a point of conflict.
Perhaps it would help to clarify which activities are ours (collectively), which activities are done by those who feel led (and, by implication, not done if no one feels led to take them on), and – finally – which activities need to be done by released staff. For example, we might decide that child care is our responsibility. As a consequence, the entire community would commit itself to this activity. We would set a standard, perhaps, that everyone would take a turn at summer Sunday school. Alternatively, we might decide that child care is the something that gets done by those who happen to feel led. In effect, this would be accepting the possibility that child care does not happen at WHF. Or, we might decide to hire a child care provider.
What do you think? Is this a helpful way to lower the tension connected to sharing the burden of leadership? Will people feel less pressure to volunteer if we make it clear that this job is available – but only to people who truly feel led? Will the meeting have a greater sense of unity if we agree on what responsibilities we truly share? I am assuming that narrowing our collective responsibilities will help take some pressure off. Is this a fair assumption?
If you're interested, complete results are below.
#
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I feel closest to this community when...
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In this community, I feel lonely or excluded when...
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1
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I have a feeling of enthusiasm (about the service, sharing, activities) and when folks connect and are welcoming after service.
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Rarely – when I’m already depressed and others don’t approach me; when I don’t have the strength and confidence to approach them. Almost never.
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2
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Someone asks for my help
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Things go wrong and I have to do nursery duty by myself.
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3
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I ask for prayers and know I’ll get them (because Later, I feel them)!
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Never.
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4
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We are together in worship, sharing concerns and joys, potlucks!
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I never feel excluded.
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5
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I get a note or people greet me.
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No one talks to me at snack time.
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6
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People share their personal journeys in small group.
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I choose that.
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7
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I feel close to Jesus when I’m here. I feel
humor, peace, helpfulness toward others, happiness, & feel part of it.
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(Blank)
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8
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First words, Retreat, in a small group of friends, youth group, games.
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When we talk about human (hetero) sexuality, when our support for peace and justice is lukewarm or highly conditional.
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9
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(Blank)
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My community concern has to do with visitors. Too often, I see visitors standing alone. I make a point to talk with them. I am not very good at this, especially with younger people and almost everyone is younger than I. As a community, we should be speaking with our visitors. All members should seek out all visitors in their own age range. This would go a long way to making our community truly welcoming.
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10
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Singing, in open worship, in prayer concerns, talking at snack time, visiting at retreat, in untalent show, talking to “the pastor” at Village Coffee.
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I run into unwritten rules about worship and hear stories desiring me to feel injustice and rage.
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11
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I am ministering to others...
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When I am in need – how to ask? Who cares?
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12
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Many people participate in and lead the church service, when we work together for a purpose.
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I am too busy to make the contribution and effort to be of service.
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13
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I am engaged in a small group and when silent worship is “gathered.”
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I offer something, request something or inquire about something and I get no response.
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14
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When I am here, I [sense] the presence of God and Jesus in such power among all of us at once. Faith, love, hope & charity to all.
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God bless you all.
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15
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People speak truth from their experience, from a place of vulnerability (I feel trusted).
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1) I hear of closed, long-term small groups.
2) Only a very small # show up for events outside Sunday morning worship.
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16
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We focus on social justice and when there is humor!
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I can’t volunteer “enough.”
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17
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When we are singing together, music performance, silent worship.
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Community concerns which go on and on.
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18
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I’m with a group from the community, either in small groups, or just talking after worship, or going out to do something together.
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I miss church and no one checks on me, or when I’m [at church] and not connected to anyone in conversation.
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19
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I’m here to enjoy everyone. Lived here in 1944-45.
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(Blank)
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20
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I’m working with a group of people on a project.
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There are a number of tasks which people want accomplished, but [only] a small, already over-committed group of people [are] willing to volunteer.
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21
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When child care is available for an event, because then I'm free to hold deep conversations and connect with people.
When we find ways to connect with people not just inside church, but also outside of church (dinner out with the Hubers, running into Jae and Britten in our neighborhood, hanging out at the park with the Norris-Yorks, attending The Camden 28 together, etc.).
When we get cards from WHF about our prayer requests.
When people share about their personal lives/struggles during sharing time at the end of meeting.
When people get excited/concern for me regarding what's going on in my life: coming to my book reading, asking how things were going with Olga, etc.
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I feel disconnected when there's a lot going on at church, because I feel overwhelmed by the needs for volunteers/leadership that are announced, guilty if I don't volunteer, and REALLY overwhelmed when I've volunteered (though Erica and Dover bailed me out a lot at Christmas, which was wonderful, I still feel guilty for all I haven't done).
After Sundae Sunday, someone criticized me about how aspects of it went, and I felt very distant and disconnected for several months afterward.
Anything related to doctrine teaching leaves me feeling disconnected. This rarely happens in meeting, but I feel tension about this related to Sunday school.
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tr>
22
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When other people say, "hi." When others invite conversation or offer help.
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In large group activities (coffee time after worship and at the all church retreat)
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